Keep your love locked down

This Kanye West song is amazing, I can't stop listening to it. I still can't believe he lost his mom a month or so ago. This world is fucked up...

I'm currently sitting here at my apartment, trying to start one of three papers due November 12th. Yes, all three papers are due that day. Why? Because my life is fucked. Naaah, acutally I think it's because my teachers are fucking idiots and don't realize that everybody has a shit load of classes and not just theirs. So I've dedicated my Thursday night to this bullshit. I could be out in Atlanta with my friends watching a play and going to Dads garage. It's a little frustrating.

Tomorrow I have to take the Regents, what the hell? On halloween I have to take a test. Let's hope I don't fail it this time haaaaaaahaha, it's really not funny but I try and laugh it off. I'm really upset I failed it.... by four points, awesome. Maybe its because English is my third language, maaaaybe? Maybe. After the test though I'll be headed home and changing into my halloweener costume. I am going to dress up as a Kitty Kat. No not a slutty cat, but a cute cat. I bought a black dress (which will be worn on other days too) and some fuzzy ears, collar, and a tail. I'm also going to paint my face... cat nose and whiskers. Someone might actually mistake me for a damn cat hahahah, that would be funny. I plan on getting shitfaced because a.) rough fucking week dude and b.) it's L.A's birthday!!!! and lastyly c.) I need to make out with some dude and that will only happen if I'm retarded drunk.

So maybe I was kidding about that last one.... maybe I was serious. Ahh fuck I'm kidding. I already know all the dudes going to this party tomorrow night and yeah hell no, no no no. Umm... what else has been going on this past month of my life? Road trip has yet to happen. Thanksgiving break is coming up, thank god. Oh yeah, KSU can kiss my fucking ass man. I swear, this is my last time transferring, I promise!!!! Transferring has got to be the most frustrating process. First of all, I don't get to sign up for Spring classes until JANUARY hahahahahahah what the fuck? I am going in as a Jr\Sr. Bullshit right? yes. Second I have to fill out this super long thing online about my HOPE scholarship. Oh god, my brain hurts right now thinking about it.

Let's see... next month I have to get serious about getting braces. Dude how lame. Braces at 21 years old, going on 22 in less than six months. I don't want braces, but what choice do I really have? Do I want to straighten out my teeth or should I have them be fucked up forever? Ummm yeah. If I do get braces put on it will be for only about year. My teeth aren't really fucked up, they are just a little crooked up top... so maybe I'll wear them for 1-2 years, not bad not bad right?!

Oh my gosh I cleaned our apartment this morning. It was absolutely disguting. I feel better right now, I feel like I'm not breathing-in dirt/dust. My room smells fresh! I also had orientation at my new job today. It went well. I like the assistant manager, he's a little fruity but I like that. I like gay guys so much!!!! Speaking of gay guys, my friend Mason came over last night and we totally watched The Strangers!!!! Kristen nearly shit herself. I almost peed my pants and I've totally seen it before hahaha, it's a scary movie. It's god awful scary because it's so fucked up, it could really happen to you or anybody else. Also it's based on "true events."

Oh man.... why the hell do I have a crush on a guy who has a girlfriend? I mean... I guess you can't help your feelings but I knew this shit was going to happen, especially when we hang out and we hung out the other day. If he didn't have a girlfriend I WOULDA JUMPED HIS BONES while he was on my couch ;) But I'm a good girl and I don't do that slutty stuff, nor am I going to be held responsible for all that bullshit. The funny thing is... everybody says he likes me or has intention of making a move... and I believe that because of his behavior/texts/calls/etc. I just don't really know what to do about it. I'm not gonna tell him to break up with his girl, I don't know her and I don't know their relationship so fuck that. I need to find someone else to flirt with.

I'm so sick and tired of an exboyfriends bullshit. He calls me today after I told him two months ago NOT to call me ever again... If I needed him or if I wanted to talk... I would call him. What the fuck? Is that so hard to understand? Motherfucker calls me and asks me if I'm on campus. Stupid I don't have classes on Thursdays. He wanted to have lunch, dude fuck off. I'm trying to get over you, completely over you. So stop putting me back in your life when you don't want to be with me. Goaesefoishdgiusdhgsiogh I hate boys, hate hate hate. I really can't get attached to anybody else like that unless it's some serious shit. Being in love is great, but what I am going through right not and the things I've been going through the past year and some months has been terrible. I want to scream, but I've held together pretty well.

Enough talk about bullshit. I have to start these papers immediately!

How clean is your house?

Have you ever seen that show on the British channel? I think I'm in love with it. The two ladies who host the show always seem to amaze me. For example on this episode... they go into a disgusting as fuck bathroom and pick up feces off of the toilet with their BARE FINGERS!!!!! Oh my god barf. I nearly gagged. They just don't seem to give a shit, LITERALLY!

It's thursday and I am so glad. No work, no school today! Thank you thank youuuu! I needed this day off so badly. I've done absolutely nothing progressive today besides gone to the gym, but when the fuck was the last time I didn't do shit all day and relaxed? Umm... I don't remember that day. It doesn't happen very often.

I'm excited for tonight cause we're all going to Dad's garage. Improve time! Last week was very funny. We're also having dinner with Kat and Drue. I'm gonna miss Kat so much when she moves to Kansas, but it will give us a good reason to Road trip out there.

Speaking of road trips... Steven, Lisa, Allen and I are going to road trip to Utah within the next month. Steven has some friends up there. Holy shit I'm so stoked. It's going to be a shit ton of fun. I'm finally putting my video-camera to good use! And then sometime after Utah we're road tripping to Tennessee. I've heard many great things about TN, and I can't wait to visit. Lisa's got some people up there we can stay with. Dude, staying for free is awesome. I hate hotels, they give me the creeps.

So school is going alright. So far I've received all A's and B's. I know I bombed my 2110 mid-term. Holy shit it was so difficult. No word bank???? Yet spelling counts? What the fuck? My teacher must be smoking crack.

I am going to quit the picture people by the end of this month. I can't deal with bullshit anymore. My manager is such a bitch and only bosses people around. Bitch, this store runs because of me and the other employees. She has no appreciation for her employees. Also gas is killing me. 22 miles to get there. That makes it 44 miles round-trip. Not worth it. I got a job at the Town Center mall at a children's clothing store. 2.7 miles from my place, much better. Plus I'll still be working with children, whom I really love.

My friend from High school passed away two Sundays ago. She had just turned 21. I went to her viewing and it was surreal. I couldn't stand looking at her in the casket. It's like you don't want to believe what you're seeing because you don't want to believe they're dead. She wasn't my best friend throughout High school but she was a friend, and she didn't deserve to pass away so young. I know at least 5 or 6 people that have passed away since High school. It's so fucking sad. It makes you appreciate your life so much more. I'm so happy just to be here, and be alive. We take life for granted. We will all miss Jaimie so very much.

I'm sorry that was a sad paragraph...

I'm not sure what else has been going on in my life. I miss my family so much. I haven't been home in three weeks because I've been so fucking busy with school and work. I wish I didn't have to work and that money wasn't an issue. I talked to my grandma last night and I told her that school was rough, and she said she would pray for me. It made me tear up because I love my grandmother so much. She is my second mother, she always has been. I pray and hope to god that she will be with us next summer so that she can accompany me on my trip back to Bosnia. My aunt plans on coming too. It would be such a great trip for all of us to take. I can't wait to see family I haven't seen in over ten years. I can't wait to see my grandma's old house I played in. The house that my family and I grew up in was destroyed during the war, but I think it would be neat to still visit the sourrounding areas. I pray for this trip all the time. I need to so badly.

I'm trying to get back into photography. I haven't lost interest, I've just lost time. I don't remember the last time I took a photo, or went out on a photo shoot. What the hell is wrong with me? I really love the human body so I'm just playing around with the shapes and curves. That's why I'm doing a series of the human body...



And that is what I leave you with.