Why am I not doing my homework right now? I don't understand. I know I will eventually start studying tonight but not right this second. I'm not motivated enough. I fucking hate homework and studying for an exam. I make the same damn grade whether I study or not... yet I continue my studying like it's a fucking chore.
I am always stuck in such weird and awkward situations with boys. Alright, so I have a boy friend (hence the space, he's a boy and he's just my friend). We've been friends for maybe 5 or more months now and we have become really close. He's fucking funny and I love him to death. He's all around a great friend. I care about him a lot. Well, I suppose he asked me out on a date last night... but I don't know if I took him seriously. We ended up watching a movie and baking cookies. It's what we usually do, or at least have done in the past so it didn't feel like a "date" or did we act any differently. I do really care for him and I think he's a great guy, I just don't know if I want anything more. I feel as if we're already past that stage, like it's almost too late to be more than just friends. But yet we tend to hold hands and cuddle, etc. We have not kissed although we've slept in the same bed twice. I know that sounds crazy to some people but I don't necessarily want to kiss him. Don't get me wrong, I would definitely kiss him but... I can't explain it. I like how we can just sleep together. It feels different. Every other guy I have slept in the same bed with, has tried at least something... whether it be sex, oral, etc. Fuck, this is such a long and complicated situation. I don't know what to think of it.
Do I really have time for a boyfriend? But then again I do really want someone in my life right now that can be more than a friend. Companionship is always a plus. This is giving me a headache.
On a whole other note, (yes I'm still talking about boys, sorry) I have this small, tiny, itty-bitty crush on a boy who has a girlfriend. Not to mention he has had this girlfriend for three years. Umm... what the fuck? Can't I just find a dude who isn't in a relationship, gay, weird, just a friend? Please god help me out here. Weird thing is, he talks to me... a lot. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I would feel if I had a boyfriend of 3 years who talked to other girls randomly. Oh wait, my ex-boyfriend of 3 years did do that. Funny! Not funny, not funny at all. Really shitty. I wanted to kick him in the ballsack. Anyways, this guy is so nice, so sweet, so cute, and he likes photography. Dude, that's such a plus. You don't find that many guys who are interested in the same things as you are. So he is trying to get me to hang out with him sometime next week since this week I bailed. That's another long story.
It's ten o'clock at night. I need to get off this fucking computer and get my study on.
I'm going job hunting next week, or as soon as I can. My manager can kiss my ass. I love what I do but I hate my store manager. She has something to say to me everyday. Something to just piss me off, or make me have a terrible day. People like that should just go to hell. I'm gonna go apply to Ambush, that skate store. Maybe that sound super lame but I really don't have that many options. If I could only Substitute Mon-Fri and have my weekends off! That would be the life.
So my KSU re-admin status says "Fully Accepted" and for some reason I don't believe it. They don't even have my recent transcript what the hell? Aren't they going to need my grades from this semester as well? I absolutely hate transferring schools. Dear jesus I've done it three times now, this will be my fourth. I need to stay and graduate from KSU.
Kristen and I went to Audrey's babyshower today. It was a lot of fun. I kinda stuffed my face with all the free food. Hey what can I say? I was hungry and so were the other bitches there. Audrey received so many amazing presents. If I ever have a baby, I better have a badass babyshower. Shower me with gifts!!!
I could write about several more things but I've got to go study right this minute.
No comments:
Post a Comment